February 2012
198 posts
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One of the Things I Miss Most About New York
These flyers everywhere:
I Need Your Dirty Minds
Would you please help me come up with a really filthy, prurient nickname for someone named Mark, which is the name of my colleague’s boyfriend?
We need this because we are grown-ass professional lawyer ladies in our thirties, obviously.
Ideal suggestions will be stupid genital-related, along the following lines:
Scott is G-Scott.
Stacy is Staint.
Jane is Jainus.
Angela is Vajangela.
...
For the Record
I just had guilty feelings over Scoldy’s post and the fact that I found Sebastian Koch to be an incredibly hot Nazi in this movie. I have a lot of German Guilt. A lot. Let’s not even mention the fact that my husband did in fact once play Rolf in The Sound of Music. Oops.
I heard a few interviews this week where, quite randomly, the interviewees said they used to worry as children...
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But there wasn't any pun . . .
Oh.
Also I just want to confess that I’ve billed all of, like, .1 legit hours today so far.
Can I get a Wish Wings holiday for that dubious accomplishment?
theraconteurasaurus replied to your post: Overheard In My Office
If I said “Rock Star,” would you pardon the pun?
Overheard In My Office
“Your jewelry makes me feel pretty.”
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Oh dude, I haven’t done any penis art since figure drawing class in the 12th grade. And even then I mostly avoided it, which led directly to my classmates dubbing me “Most Tasteful Artist.”
dialling-footnoterphone said: oh my god YES but only if there’s a small penis being hammered in the lettering, okay?
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On "y'all"
I lived in the southeast for a few years (17 to 19) and I always thought “y’all” coming out of someone’s mouth on a current of, say, Great Lakes accented breath sounded kind of funny. I never picked it up, but I wouldn’t judge anyone one way or another for using “y’all” in conversation, wherever they’re from.*
I will judge you harshly,...
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I still really want to make a “Feminist Killjoy” necklace this weekend, though. Would that be okay?
dialling-footnoterphone replied to your photoset: I made this. Rough diamonds on 14k gold filled…
You should stop making pretty things mkay
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“Hey guys, I just et this piece of ham, what wasn’t ham at all!”
– A friend from Essex, having just eaten pickled ginger at a sushi restaurant.
(Delivered in the style of Neil from The Young Ones.)
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theraconteurasaurus replied to your post: Disappearing Post
You need anything, ever, you let me know. Got it?
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Here's the Deal.
Because The Raconteurasaurus’s Asshat Anon last night got me thinking.
If someone sends you shitty anons, tell me, and please be prepared to hold my earrings.
Very sincerely yours,
Mistress of the Beatings
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I've Seen Them In Their Natural Habitat. I Know...
dialling-footnoterphone:
wailingbeansidhe replied to your post: Well. I am NEVER buying from Overstock.com again
Ugh. Friggin’ Mormons.
Exactly. They suck. I’m so glad you’re not a Mormon, merely Jane Goodall of the Mormon Outback observing their interactions and reporting them back to civilisation via tumblr.
Offer to show them your Temple Recommend, and I’ll bet they refund your...
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So There's a Character Called Quinn on Glee?
I thought some of you guise were talking about Dexter a few times.
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Are you on Pinterest? I can add you as a contributor if you want!
The only caption I’m proud of is for that poncho photo with Dubya.
theraconteurasaurus replied to your link: I Make The Stupidest Pinterest Boards
I hardly think it’s stupid. In fact, as I’ll need a distraction from quietly (or not so quietly) seething over the next few days, I shall try and cull photos for submissions....
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It Got Uncomfortably Personal for Me
As I was going through all those photos of Putin, I realized he is a dead ringer for one of my uncles from a certain angle. And now I have this weird case of paranoid agita.
scoldylox replied to your link: I Make The Stupidest Pinterest Boards
I can’t stare at it for too long. It’s like the sun in that way.
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I Make The Stupidest Pinterest Boards →
My captions are really stupid, though. Submissions are welcome!
theraconteurasaurus replied to your post: I Was Looking for a Photo of Putin in a Sombrero
There’s going to be a Putin board?! You are all of the fabulous.
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I Was Looking for a Photo of Putin in a Sombrero
As I do.
And I found this:
In other news, my Putin board on Pinterest is almost ready to unveil.
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So is a bottle of whisky.
But I can’t sell that on Etsy.
theraconteurasaurus replied to your photoset: I made this. Conflict-free rough diamonds,…
Hmm. It is perfect for an April birthday…
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FETCH MY WIRES AND MY PLIERS!
I need to make a wire “Feminist Killjoy” necklace right now.
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You Win.
No contest. And I haven’t even tried to teach him, because when I consider it, a little voice in my head says, “At least he does laundry sometimes!”
I could probably work on my diplomacy.
aubade replied to your post: As Mothers-in-Law Go, I Lucked Out
Dude, at least he can kind of fold them. I’ve had to teach my boyfriend to do EVERYTHING. Laundry, cooking, folding… He’s...
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As Mothers-in-Law Go, I Lucked Out
That doesn’t mean, however, that I don’t want to smack her winding* for not teaching my husband how to fold clothes properly.
*North Carolinian for hitting you so hard you see stars, I guess. Her phrase, not mine. I think it sounds wickedly abusive but I guess it gets the point across.
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May I Suggest . . . ?
If you don’t have the extra $250 to spend on this dress right now, I highly recommend this detachable collar.
Because it’s awesome and it only costs £12.00.
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One of my friends is moving to California and starting his own law practice. He asked me today what to call his firm, and whether I thought “[HIS LAST NAME] Law” would be good.
You probably wouldn’t know how to pronounce his last name unless you were from the Netherlands or western Michigan.
Having given my Etsy store an unpronounceable name, of course I said, “Yes. That...
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kelsium:
There is no legitimate reason to end a communication with “Ciao!” unless you are a) Italian, b) writing in Italian, c) writing to an Italian-speaking person with whom you are close enough that they know you’re not a pretentious dick. And the last one is pretty iffy.
In Utah, it’s spelled differently.* I realized this after I got “Chow” as an email sign-off from my...
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That's the Craziest Part
This girl is a dance major. A DANCE MAJOR! She should know better.
I’m done trifling with her stale-ass nonsense. Thanks for letting me vent.
formerlyanon replied to your post: I’m not even going to tell you what she followed…
link her to his dancing
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I’m not even going to tell you what she followed up with. Now she’s trashing Michael Jackson, too.
I’d tell her what I really think, but I’m FB friends with her mom, too. It’s good, though. This quiet seething rage will help motivate me today.
littleorphanammo replied to your post: I Just Broke My Vow of Facebook Silence
:O I would have fucking lost my damn...
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Shenanigans
Maybe I’ll go get ashes today so every Mormon in the building will tell me I have something on my face.
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I Just Broke My Vow of Facebook Silence
To tell someone she didn’t know shit about Whitney Houston because she was born in the 90s.
(Selected quotations that needed to be addressed: “…five minutes of fame…no one liked her…she did NOTHING [except supply the drug cartel with lots of money]…so all you idiots that keep talking about how amazing she was, shut the fuck up!”)
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